Last week we touched on things to consider before divorce. We compiled a list of the most frequently asked questions to our solicitors with explanations on how best to deal with these considerations.
When considering your divorce or separation, there is a great deal to consider, particularly if there are children involved. With children in the equation, this can often add pressure to what is already an emotional, and difficult situation to experience.
For many, one important factor surrounding divorce, if not the most important factor, is ensuring your divorce or separation has as little impact as possible on your children. As professionals who offer legal advice to people who are experiencing divorce or separation, we understand the complexities and do all that we can to ensure that we can offer constructive and helpful advice moving forward.
One common concern regarding children when dealing with divorce or separation is how best to communicate with your ex partner in relation to your children.
When faced with this emotional and often stressful situation, it can be difficult to set your differences aside, and build a new relationship with your partner that is entirely about the well being of your children.
Communicating with your ex- partner is likely to be tough, we have created a list of tips on how best to communicate with your ex partner to help you remain calm, stay positive and adjust to the changes.
Peaceful, and consistent communication with your ex partner is key in ensuring your co-parenting is successful and has as little impact on your children as possible.
Initial important factors to consider are:
- Establish early on which methods of communication work best for you, whether this be email, phone, or in person.
- Always bare in mind that positive, constructive communication with your ex partner is fundamental in ensuring as little impact as possible on your children
- Make your child the focal point of every discussion with your partner
- Avoid discussing any differences that you may have with your partner when discussing your children. This should always be kept separate.
- Avoid bringing on any on-going anger or resentment you may have towards your partner, the focal point of your children can quickly change if you decide to discuss separate issues.
Useful and effective communication methods
Make request, not demands: Sometimes request can often be confused as demands depending on how you word these request. “Would it be possible…” or “Could we try….” Are always great ways of initiating a request.
Be conscious of your tone of voice: as mentioned, there is no denying that communication with your ex partner can be tough. It is important to firstly relax before communicating, consciously lower your shoulders, keep your posture straight, these are all simple steps in relaxing your body. Remain calm, talk slowly, and communicate with resect and neutrality.
Listen- Although you may not agree with what your ex partner may be saying, listening does not signify that you are in agreement. Allow them to communicate with you what they have to say, listen, and using the simple relaxing steps above remain calm and respond peacefully and amicably.
Consistency is key- not only will this help ensure you are both consistently aware of what is going on, it will also have a positive impact on your children. If they are able to see that both you and your ex partner are still able to communicate on a regular basis, they will benefit from your united front and begin to accept the changes easier. Again, this is by no means an easy thing or something that will come quick to some relationships after separation or divorce, but certainly one you can work on and strengthen over time.
One important rule to remember is never vent to your children. Although the situation you are facing can often be emotionally challenging using your child as a messenger will not allow your children to be free of any negative impact as a result of your decisions to separate.
Another way of avoiding any resentment from your children is to keep any issues or anger you may have towards your partner, to yourself. Allow your children to develop relationships with you and your ex partner free of any influence. As you will be aware, this to is a difficult experience for them and they to will have to learn to adapt to the changes and begin to form new relationships.
The above advice will help you to effectively communicate with your ex partner, although most will agree - this will certainly not be an easy and straightforward process.
Here at Preston Redman we pride ourselves on offering honest, professional and empathetic advice. Should you wish to seek further information or would like to speak to an individual direct, please contact us here or alternatively call 01202 292 424